Jokes

[virtuosointraining]

Let's start a collection of jokes that are funnier than those on laffy-taffy wrappers.
Here's one to start us off:
A guy gets thrown into prison, and he sees a strange sight An old-timer inmate yells "67!", and all the other inmates roll on the floor with laughter. This happened again and again. After a couple of times, the newly imprisoned man summons the courage to ask," What is this routine is all about?" He is told that they have been in prison so long that no jokes are new to them. To save time, they gave all jokes a number, and when a person says a number they remember the joke and laugh. He asks, "Can I try?" The other inmates say, "Sure, go ahead."
Punchline A:
The man yells "39!," which is followed by silence. "What did I do wrong," he asks. An old-timer responds: "Well, some people can tell a joke, others can't."
Punchline B:
The man yells "179!," which is followed by laughter that just wasn't stopping. He asks what's so funny and is told by someone between fits of laughter: "We've never heard that one before!"

[ChiefExecutive]

A man goes to a wedding. The waiter asks him, "Coffee or tea?" He responds, "Coffee." The waiter answers, "Sorry, only tea available." He asks, "Then why did you ask?". The waiter replies, "Well, I had a fifty percent chance to make my guest feel special."

[Cranberry]

A man hits a dog with his car. He reads the dog's collar to find the address of the owner, and he goes and knocks on her door. When the owner opens it, he says "I'm sorry, but I was driving and I hit your dog". Seeing the owner's reaction, he hastened to add, "and I take full responsibility; since it was my fault that I hit him, I will gladly replace your dog".
The owner stared and replied frostily, "Sir, you flatter yourself".

[Yankel The Goat]

There is a cat version. It goes like this: A man hits a cat with his car. He reads the collar and goes to the owner's house. and tells the owner "I'm very sorry that I hit your cat. I'll gladly replace it." The owner says ''How well can you catch mice?''

[shpritz]

I think I heard it in Mary Poppins.